im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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