you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
