Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
