New low: just hacked my moms facebook
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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