what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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