Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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