kristin has been a bad kristin
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
