better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
ttyl tear gas
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
