So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
