Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
