he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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