I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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