i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
His nipple licking is glorious
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