Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Come see our sink grown plant.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
