at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
