I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
