Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
