can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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