The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize