I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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