Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
