She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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