it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize