you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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