yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
being pregnant is like rehab
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
This is classic penis vs brain.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
