no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
