i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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