do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i came on her dog
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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