There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
