I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize