Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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