This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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