she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
