I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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