found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
so much tequila, so little girl.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
