he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
