I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
