I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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