You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
