i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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