I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
