yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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