i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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