im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
