How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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