you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
