she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Oh god it's open bar.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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