all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
