Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
