I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
