Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
