Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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