okay pat passed out under dana's car
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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