Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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