I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Someone signed my nipple.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
