he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
