My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
