I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
