Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We left the knife in your bed.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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