They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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