we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Randomize
