Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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