is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
