He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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