3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The maid of honor just puked.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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