I wish I could punch you in the face.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
