my phone needs a breathalizer
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
