You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
