Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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