How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
