I think my fart just growled at me.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
